COVID, Year One…
Remember when we were all wiping down groceries with Clorox wipes, standing six feet apart, and looking at anyone who sneezed like they were Patient Zero?
One of my buddies says, “Come on over! We’ll have a backyard bonfire. We’ll social distance.”
Sounds reasonable.
Then he proudly walks out with this absolutely beautiful charcuterie board…
…with exactly THREE serving utensils.
🥜 One for the nuts.
🥣 One for the dip.
🥜 One for the other nuts.
Everything else?
Just a free-for-all.
Before anyone could even admire it, one of his feral-ass friends reached in with his bare hand like he was trying to win The Hunger Games.
Grabbed meat.
Grabbed cheese.
Grabbed cucumbers.
Grabbed peppers.
At that moment, every COVID chart I’d seen on the news flashed before my eyes.
I looked at that board like it was evidence in a CDC training video.
It was gorgeous.
It was delicious-looking.
And I didn’t eat a single damn thing off of it.
I survived COVID…
…but only because I survived Kevin’s Charcuterie Board of Doom. 😂🧀🔥